The Super Bowl conundrum: take that bathroom break and miss some game action, or go during the commercials and maybe miss that one everyone’s going to be talking about tomorrow? Fortunately, just like last year, we have a crop of ads released beforehand so you can duck out strategically.
1. Kia “Hero’s Journey”
Melissa McCarthy saves all of Nature, even though she has second thoughts about those rhinos.
2. Tide Super Bowl 2017 Rob Gronkowski, Jeffrey Tambor
Did you know there is a romance novel about Rob Gronkowski? Did you know that it is called, I kid you not, “A Gronking to Remember?” Did you know that it is the first in a series? Does that have anything to do with this Tide commercial where he rips the sleeves off of Jeffrey Tambor’s shirt? Probably not! But that’s wild, huh.
3. Big Game Commercial With Cam Newton and Miranda Kerr
When I figured out the “game” of this ad I spent the rest of it bracing for it to end on a sexist joke. But it didn’t, so, whew.
4. Sprint “Dad’s Dead”
Probably don’t commit insurance fraud over not liking your cell phone plan.
5. T-Mobile “#UnlimitedMoves featuring Justin Bieber and TO
Justin Bieber has decided to grow up to be Justin Timberlake, which is interesting because when he was a youtube-famous bb he had an opportunity to be mentored by either Usher or Justin Timberlake, and he picked Usher. Also: how do we feel about Terrell Owens these days? He’s here too.
6. Mr Clean “Cleaner of Your Dreams”
Women: does it bother you that depicting men as “sexy” and deserving of accolades for completing the basic household maintenance that you do daily unthanked reinforces the idea that it’s all just your job to begin with? MEN, ARE YOU INSULTED THAT MR CLEAN THINKS YOU NEED TO BE REWARDED WITH SEX TO BE ABLE TO CLEAN YOUR OWN HOUSE? What do you do if you live by yourself and have no one to reward you for taking care of your own damn self…just live in filth? Do I really have to love a guy who cleans, and isn’t it redundant because don’t they all clean anyway? Don’t they? It’s 2017????? I didn’t even get into the weird uncanny valley “sexy” Mr Clean nonsense you guys MOVING ON.
7. Febreeze, “Bathroom Break”
Everyone poops, y’all. Everyone poops.
What do you think of this year’s Super Bowl commercials so far? Do you have an early fave?